How British Airways taught me the power of gratitude
On Sunday morning I had breakfast in Vienna.
I’ve never been to Austria before. On Friday I’d no particular intention to go to Austria.
But the weekend turned out a little different to what I thought.
And in the spirit of helping me and you Stress Less, here’s my personal lesson in the power of gratitude.
This controller’s out of control.
A few days earlier I’d just written an episode for this blog on those of us who like to plan, be in control, like others to be in control can experience self-induced stress.
Travel is a good way to show this because it’s one period where we all experience having to cede control to others.
It’s about learning to let go, moving on, not ruminating on what could have, should have, ought to have. Because when we do this we hang on and keep anxiety with us for longer.
So how come I’m having breakfast in Vienna.
We’ve just finished an amazing two-week vacation in Ontario. We drop by Tim Horton’s on Friday afternoon outside Ottawa and only because it’s the end of vacation time I read some emails.
An important email from British Airways. Usually these have your check in reminders but this time it just felt important.
- We’ve cancelled your flight.
- Good news we’ve rebooked you automatically.
- Except you’re flying in three days later than planned.
- And you’re off to Lisbon.
- If this doesn’t suit then contact us, except we close in half an hour.
Despite all I’ve learned about stress, mine reaches critical stage in moments.
My mind, working faster than Chat GPT produces a list of all the challenges this will cause. The planner produces a list of everything that needs rearranging.
A call and a chat window open to BA provides little calm. I’m offered:
- A two delay instead of three still with a bonus trip to Lisbon
- A flight today providing I can travel 240 miles in under 3 hours
- A refund then be left to sort my own travel home
I’m negotiating furiously fuelled by coffee and TimBits.
Enterprising Mrs Browne is meanwhile on Google Flights and finds a flight on Air Canada. Some arm-twisting and we’re rebooked to Vienna and then on to London.
Warning - stress becomes infectious
Strange things called Mirror Neurons effectively allow us to transmit our energy to other people. When we feel stressed and behave that way, others feel it and it produces a reaction.
When you’re at the mercy of contact centre advisors you need them to be working at their best for you.
Contact Centre staff didn’t personally cause this situation.
But that’s not the point.
The point is, and in your everyday, when you are guided by emotion, that emotion will tend to overspill to the other person. If you’re anxious, raise your voice, become angry – that contact centre advisor must work really hard to control their emotions.
And that means their brain power is divided between controlling themselves and looking after you.
Same as your team – when you feel stress, so will they. If you think stress will help them, think clearly, focus and find a route through – go right ahead. The evidence isn’t with you.
Recentre, re-focus.
Initially overwhelm came from my brain’s ChatGPT splurge of stuff to consider, just fire-hosing challenges.
Quickly, as a family, we develop a kind of strategy. One on the phone to BA trying to get a better answer. The other on a chat doing the same. The other, no guesses the younger one, on ChatGPT fact checking what we’re being told by BA about their responsibilities.
Happily, knowing what BA must do results in us being rebooked on another airline.
But for an article on Gratitude that’s not where the gratitude comes from.
The risk of rumination.
When something goes wrong, we run the risk of rumination. Even when a situation is resolved – rumination – what should have, could have, ought to have, remains.
And this sustains the same anxiety that’s present when we’re making the complaint. Hence why learning to let go is an effective stress reduction strategy.
That’s not to absolve anyone of the need for improvement. Feedback is important. Feedback with sustained emotion is neither important or useful.
This is where Gratitude saves the day.
Rumination forces your brain to relive the stressful event over and again.
One way to deal with that is letting go. For me that was recognising my priority was to get home. Our plane broke down – one of those things. If it’s broken I’d rather not get on it.
Another way is through gratitude. Reminding myself of things to be thankful for.
- We had a great rental by a pristine lake that likely we could stay in
- We had our experience to not take BA’s first offer as a final offer
- We had collective brain power and experience to push for better
- We had the financial resources to extend our stay
- We have great understanding employers, not everyone can count on their employer to be understanding or tolerant under these circumstances
- My son has great teachers who would provide lessons had we needed to stay
OK so he might be not so grateful for the last one.
And we have Canada which is a great country.
Blame Less to Stress Less
When things go wrong, we often turn to blame. Someone must take responsibility.
And we blame ourselves for our involvement in what happened.
Our laziness and ignorance for not having foreseen and planned a contingency.
Others for their shortcomings.
The world – this always happens to me.
· Blame gets you nowhere except increasing the stress for yourself and others. It also clouds your judgement and critical thinking just when you need it most.
· We all have things to be thankful for. Turn on any news channel to remind yourself of disasters everywhere and in context, that you’re going to stress about this week won’t matter in a month, a year, a decade.
For some time, I’ve resisted the word Gratitude because it’s often just a meme.
But get some paper, write down ten things you’re thankful for, would be lost without and hold it dear for the next time sh** happens.
Your journey to Blame Less.
Being able to blame less is key to being able to stress less.
Chronic stress isn’t something that happens to you, it comes from inside you. Your controller, avoider, hyper-achiever, stickler, people pleaser, restless, hyper rational, hyper vigilant and victim tendencies you’ve grown up with.
Just because you’ve grown up with these doesn’t mean they need to be friends for life. Learning to calm them down is your fastest and longest lasting route to Stress Less.
Here is the ten-minute free check that started my journey to understand what drives stress in me.
I invite you to try it – and start something good for yourself.
https://subscribepage.io/2w7ob9
You can also find more resources, courses and how to I help first time leaders eliminate imposter syndrome so you can succeed, faster, in leadership roles here www.ianbrowne.com
